Thursday, March 8, 2007

What would I be doing if...

I have generally tried to not think about the answer to the above question because I think it is a one way ticket to a melancholic state that serves no real purpose other than to distract me from my goal of getting better. However, this week has had me feeling all off kilter and while I have tried to explain it as a fear of my first radiation appointment (which is tomorrow). I think that the truth lies, at least in part, in the answer to the above question because this week, this week I had something that I was really excited about planned...

I was supposed to be going back to Nicaragua for the first time in 5 years to provide medical care to the indigenous Miskito Indians of the Atlantic coast of Nicaragua. I actually reserved, but didn't pay for, the ticket the night before I found out the truth about the bump in my ankle that was removed with surgery #1. I had been planning this trip for 6 months at that point, recruiting nurses, getting supplies, planning for the best use of our time and the skills of the group etc. So, why didn't I pay for that ticket. I don't know, but something told me to wait until after my doctor visit the next day. How the mind works, really? The group is there now and have been for a week, the trip changed when I had to back out of it, but the main goal remains the same. I wish them well and have been thinking about them all week. I keep seeing images in my head of my prior trips (I have been there 4 times since I was a med student), and I can only hope that by next year I will be well enough to go. Yet further motivation to keep doing my exercises.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lisa - Although you wanted to be there in person, you ARE there in the work you helped arrange. You WILL be there. You have to believe that. Your giving spirit, your desire to help is in Nicaragua right now.

I know it is hard, but cannot feel how hard, and you will get thru this, and we are all praying for you. Hang in there and good luck today.

luv,
suz

Anonymous said...

Good Luck, Lisa! Just to support what Suz said... you have done such great work for this group. I am sure they feel you are with them as they do their work down there. You are such a great doctor and person. Next year you can go back and do what you love! Hope tomorrow (or is it today now!) goes well!

Love, LisaD

Lisa said...

I love my friends, thanks guys for giving me a boost

Anonymous said...

I have no doubt Lisa about your ability to work again. Others, maybe, but not you. Keep the faith.
Lots of love, Uncle John