I wish I were an ostrich so I could bury my head in the sand.
I wish I were on a boat floating down the Nile so I could be in that state of bliss called “denial.” (sorry I couldn't find a good picture)
I might even settle to be Sadie and be so happy that I am back from my trip that sleep is the only way to contain the joy.
Alas, I still am me, and Lefty is seriously foiling my plans now. I always sort of knew that my foot going numb was a bad sign and when it started happening on my walks while I was in DC, I knew it really wasn’t good. Yet still the amazing power of the human mind to happily float down that river in Egypt is astounding and while I am a smart person and a doctor I can still happily stick my head in the sand until it is forced back out, as it was by my doctor when we finally talked on Monday. Apparently, the numb foot is bad and made even worse by the fact that my ankle is also getting weak now when it’s is numb- uck. She is worried that this represents something called postradiation exertional compartment syndrome, which apparently means that my ankle and foot want to swell from the radiation and are doing so, but it is so scarred down from all of the surgeries and radiation that it can’t swell. Therefore, when I do things that should make Lefty swell there is nowhere for the fluid to go so it builds up pressure causing compression of the nerves, veins etc. leading to a numb foot. I have to have some more tests to prove this theory, but it fits all of the symptoms and it makes sense. It is going to take awhile to get everything done, but in the meantime I have to take it easier. Rats- Plus if this is what is wrong and it is happening this soon after radiation (apparently 7 months is soon- as it is supposed to get worse for 2-3 years postradiation) then likely I’ll need surgery to release the pressure. Double ick (I have a lot else I’d like to say, but double ick will have to be the profanity of choice for now)